


Doctor-Patient Confidentiality

by thesmolestnerd



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Amputation, Costia's actually really nice, Disability, Disabled Character, Doctor/Patient, Dom Clarke, Dom/sub, F/F, I don't, I really don't know, Massage, Masturbation, Med Student Clarke, Not Beta Read, Orgasm Denial, Porn With Plot, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Clarke, Sex, Sex Worker, Slow Burn, Spoliers, Sub Lexa, Surprising amount of plot, Vaginal Fingering, Vibrators, barely even written, because that would imply I knew what this was, i really don't know how to tag this, kind of, lexa is, really slow burn, sex worker clarke
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-04-23 04:00:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 16,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14324109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesmolestnerd/pseuds/thesmolestnerd
Summary: Saying that Clarke loved her night job would be…it would be false. Being a dominatrix at a high end sex clinic was fun at first—it certainly paid way better than her internship at the hospital did—but nights like tonight made things difficult.orA broken Lexa becomes Clarke's client at a sex clinic.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what this is or why I wrote it, but it exists now. Enjoy.

Saying that Clarke loved her night job would be…it would be false. Being a dominatrix at a high end sex clinic was fun at first—it certainly paid way better than her internship at the hospital did—but nights like tonight made things difficult. Sure it was fun to control horny men—and women but unfortunately, it was generally men—but after a while, wiping other people’s fluids on you and get STD tested every few weeks is…less fun. 

And then there are days like today. Something had come up, and Octavia couldn’t make a session with one of her patients. And now it was Clarke’s problem.

“O, you know how I feel about taking other people’s patients,” she said. “Especially the Commander. You told me about her. I don’t know how to handle that.” Octavia sighed.

“Look, I will literally send you step by step instructions of what she likes. I can’t bail out on her,” said Octavia. “She needs this.” Clarke was silent. “I’ll take one of your creepy clients if you do it. I’ll take—what’s his name—the one you hate, for two weeks.” Clarke bit her lip. 

“Fine,” she said. “Test me the instructions.”

“Thank you!” said Octavia. “You won’t regret this!” The phone line clicked off. Clarke shook her head. 

“What’s up, Princess?” said Raven. Raven sat on the bench in the dressing room and adjusted her brace.

“I’m seeing the Commander today,” said Clarke. Raven snorting. 

“Seriously?” 

“Octavia bribed me,” she said. 

“Damn, that girl’s in for a treat, Grif. With you and your magic fingers,” she wiggled her finger and walked out the door. Clarke rolled her eyes. Her phone went off as she started changing.

“Clarke,  
First of all, the Commander is super physical and emotionally sensitive. BE GENTLE. Always give her the chance to say no. She doesn’t like it rough. She is the subbiest sub I have ever met in my life. Don’t wear anything super sexy. It will make her the bad kind of nervous.  
Start with a massage. Make sure she’s comfortable. We’ve been working on communication and safe words, but she still only speaks up sometimes.  
She has a total praise kink.  
She was injured in a really horrific accident, and she’s a little disfigured. Don’t stare, don’t say anything about it. If she wants you to touch her there (she won’t) she’ll tell you. She’s into edging and a lot of times she doesn’t want to orgasm (helps with her pain), so if she says red—stop.  
We do our session in the White Room. Keep the lights dim. And no mirrors.  
Don’t go into full who’s your daddy mode because she will submit, but she won’t like it, and it will be traumatic for both of you. Sometimes she gets overwhelmed. Aftercare cuddles are generally good. She likes the blue Gatorade.  
I’m trusting you with this Clarke. I consider her a friend as well as a client.

Oh and she really likes candles.”

Clarke skimmed the long text. 

“Jesus Christ, Octavia,” she said. She put her phone away and changed into a low-cut tank and tight leggings. “I really hope this is worth it.”

Octavia had already called for the white room to be set up for the Commander, so all Clarke needed to do was get familiar with where stuff was. She pulled out the massage oil and the lube. She grabbed a lighter from her pocket and staring lighting the candles around the room. She spies the Hitachi out on one of the tables near the massage table. The massage table itself is a nice padded thing with soft towels draped over it and a roll cushion. She raises the table ever so slightly. She nods to herself. 

“Hey, Princess.” It’s Murphy in her earpiece. 

“What?” 

“The Commander’s here.” Clarke nodded.

“Awesome. Send her to the white room.” She paused. “She knows O’s not here right?”

“Yep,” said Murphy. “And she is super nervous.” Clarke sighed.

“Thanks for heads up.”

“Yeah.” Clarke pulled out her earpiece, turned down the light, and turned on the relaxing music. 

There was a soft knock on the door. 

“It’s open.” The Commander walked in. 

She didn’t look at all how Clarke expected. When Octavia said disfigured she thought she was serious. But he Commander’s face was fine, and she was the most beautiful girl Clarke had ever seen. 

“You must be the Commander,” said Clarke. She bit the inside of her cheek and looked everywhere but Clarke. “You can call me Clarke. I know Octavia is your usual, but I hope I’m an okay replacement.” Clarke smiled at her. “Let’s sit down and go over some ground rules. I know you have some with O, but I want to make sure we’re on the same page.” The Commander adjusted the grip on her crutch and nodded. Clarke sat down on the plush couch in the corner of the room and gestured for the Commander to follow her. The Commander limped over and sat down next to her. 

“So, remember that this is all about your pleasure. I know you like orgasmic massages. Is there anything else?” The Commander shook her head. Clarke nodded.

“Alright then,” she said. “You use the stoplight safe word system with O, correct?” The Commander nodded. “Could you tell me what it is?”

“Red, stop; yellow, slow down; green, good,” the Commander rasped. Clarke nodded.

“Thank you,” she said. “If I ask you your color and you do not answer in five seconds, I will stop. If you are uncomfortable or in pain or if you don’t like something, you must say red.” Lexa nodded. “Do you understand?”

“I understand,” she mumbled. Clarke smiled. 

“Good job, baby girl,” she said. “Is there anything off limits?”

“No butt stuff,” said the Commander. “I just…” She looked up at Clarke, who finally saw the startling forest green eyes. “I just wanna feel good.” Clarke nodded. 

“Of course. I’ll do my best to help with that, Commander,” said Clarke.

“Lexa,” she said. Clarke smiled. 

“Lexa it is then,” she said. “Do you want me to leave while you get undresses?” Lexa shook her head.

“Just don’t stare please.” Clarke nodded and started bustling around the room. After a second, she heard a clatter and turned around, expecting it to be Lexa’s crutch. But it was her leg. Clarke stared in shock. Lexa’s face looked red even in the low light. She looked like a kid who’d just been caught.

“S-sorry,” said Lexa. 

“It’s okay.” Lexa’s right leg ended a little below the knee and her left one ended a few above where it should be. Her skin was really thick and odd looking in patches from her ribs down and there were several smaller ones on her arms. 

“I, um, it…” Lexa said. Clarke walked over and pressed a finger to her lips. 

“You don’t need to say anything,” she said. Lexa bit her lip. “Can I kiss you?” Lexa nodded. Clarke gently pressed her lips to Lexa’s. Lexa reached out and squeezed Clarke’s upper arm. Clarke broke the kiss. “Let’s get started.”

Lexa rolled on her stomach. Clarke adjusted the pillow under her hips and gently pushed Lexa’s chestnut brown hair over her shoulder. She squirted some oil on her fingers and ran them down Lexa’ back. Lexa had a huge intricate tattoo that went down the entirety of her spine. It was scarred over in some places. She traced the pattern.

“Your tattoo is beautiful,” she said. Lex made a non-committal noise. 

Clarke rubbed up and down Lexa’s back a few times, until she felt her relax. She slowly started creeping down to her butt and thighs. Clarke honestly didn’t know how to approach Lexa’s…stumps. It was pretty obvious that they hurt her, but Clarke didn’t want to over step. She slid her hands lower.

“Color?” 

“Green,” said Lexa. 

“Good…” She smiled. She noticed the tightness in Lexa’s left thigh. “Lexa, can you relax for me?” SHe shook her head. Clarke slid her hands up and down Lexa’s thigh. She pressed into the muscles, trying to get the tightness out. Lexa whimpered. “You’re being so good, Lexa. Deep breath. Relax for me.” Her hands went further and further down. 

“Yellow! Fuck!” Lexa gasped. Clarke moved her hands back to the safe area of Lexa’s upper back. 

“I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” she said. Lexa didn’t answer. Clarke looked down at her face. Lexa was biting her arm. “Fuck, Lexa, look at me.” Clarke ran her hand over Lexa’s cheek. “Was I too rough?” She nodded. “I’m so sorry, baby.” Lexa nodded. 

“You can…keep going,” she said. 

“Are you sure?” said Clarke. Lexa nodded. Clarke went back to rubbing her back. Lexa relaxed again. Clarke’s hand started going lower again. She rubbed Lexa’s ass. She dipped her hand into Lexa’s soft slick. Lexa moaned. “That good, baby.” Lexa nodded. Clarke continued with Lexa’s lower back. Her other hand dipped around the outside of Lexa’s labia. Lexa took slow breaths. “That’s good, baby. You’re doing so well.” Lexa bit her arm. “No. I wanna hear you.” Clarke’s thumb circled Lexa’s clit. Lexa’s head lolled to the side. Clarke smirked. She rolled Lexa’s clit hood. Lexa shuddered slightly. 

Clarke loved seeing her clients completely relaxed and surrendered—when they trusted her to make them feel secure. And Lexa…she looked beautiful. Clarke had ever felt really attracted to any of her clients. They were all just a job. Until now. Sometime about Lexa, even in her quietness and her timidness, felt like someone Clarke wanted to know.

Lexa let out a ragged breath. 

“How are you doing, baby?” Clarke said. Lexa made a weird noise. “Color?” Clarke stopped. Lexa moaned again. 

“Don’ stop,” she said. “I f-feel so good.” Lexa smiled at Clarke. She felt her chest explode. 

“Alright, baby. I’m glad your feeling good,” she said. “Can you get on your back for me?” Lexa nodded and turned over. Clarke massaged Lexa’s chest and ran her fingers over Lexa’s nipples. This may have been the first time that Clarke had seen her happy, but Clarke knew she wanted to see more of it. 

Unfortunately, that didn’t last very long.

Clarke’s hands went back down to Lexa’s clit. One went back to circling her clit. The other ran through her slick and into her vagina. 

“Ready?” she said. Lexa’s eyes almost rolled back in her head. She pumped her fingers in rapidly. Lexa started shaking. Lexa let out a grunt and a moan. Her body jerked and her hand went to Clarke’s wrist.

“Shh…” said Clarke. “I got you. Almost done…” Clarke continued to help her through the aftershocks of her orgasm. Clarke kissed her on the forehead. “All done. You did so good.” Lexa nodded. “I’m going to go wash my hands, okay? I’ll be right back.” Clarke washing her hands in a sink in the corner of the room.

Clarke came back. Lexa was curled up into a ball. Clarke wrapped a blanket around Lexa and handed her a blue Gatorade.

“Do you wanna talk about the session?” said Clarke. Lexa shook her head and sipped some. 

“Can you get my jacket?” said Lexa. Clarke handed her her jacket from the couch. Lexa pulled out a pill bottle and popped two in her mouth. “You don’t need to sit with me.” 

“Yes I do,” said Clarke. “I need to make sure you’re okay.” 

“I’m okay,” said Lexa. 

“Lexa—” said Clarke. 

“Please get my legs,” she said. Clarke picked up the prosthetics and brought them to Lexa. 

“Are you sure—” said Clarke. 

“Please leave,” said Lexa. She rubbed her eyes. 

“Lexa…” said Clarke. Lexa shook her head. 

“Red,” she said. “Just…please stop.” Clarke nodded. 

“Okay,” she said. Clarke pulled out her card. “Let me know if you want to talk, okay?” Lexa looked at the card. She reached out and took it. 

“Alright, Clarke,” she said. She looked at it and put it in her jacket pocket. “If I need you…I’ll give you a call.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone really wanted another chapter for some reason, so here you go. I hope you guys enjoy!

Lexa limped out the door to the car idling for her outside the doors. She opened the door. 

“Hey, Lex.” Lexa nodded and shut the door. “How do you feel? How was it?” Lexa shrugged and pulled her hood over her head. Costia looked over at her and raised her eyebrow. “Lexa…” 

“I’m okay,” she said. 

“Do you feel better?” asked Costia. Lexa shrugged and nodded. Costia rubbed the spot between the end of Lexa’s prosthetic and her hip. Lexa shifted away, and Costia put her hand back on the wheel.

“You wanna go to bed when we get home, Lexie?” she asked. Lexa nodded. “Okay. Just hold tight.” Lexa nodded. She pressed her face against the car window. She watched the business roll by. 

“I’m working from home today,” Costia said. “So I’ll been in the office if you need me.” Lexa nodded. They pulled into the parking spot and walked into the first floor apartment. Lexa got out, unlocked the door, and stumbled inside. She shut the door of her room and locked it behind her. She pulled off her legs and fell into bed. She let out a small sob and tucked her face into a pillow. She didn’t even try to stop the tears from flowing. Her body shook. She squeezed the pillow. Snot and tears ran down her face into the pillow. 

Costia walked through the door.

“Get out!” Lexa screamed. Costia tucked a blanket around Lexa and pulled her on her lap. “No! Stop!” Costia shushed her. “Stop!”

“Lexa, you’re okay,” said Costia. “Relax.”

“Please! Please leave me alone.” Lexa sobbed and coughed. Costia pinned Lexa’s arms to her chest and rubbed small circles on her back. 

“Relax, my love,” she said. “You’re okay.” Lexa gripped on the back of Costia’s shirt. 

“I want Anya,” she said. “I want Indra. I want Aden.” Costia shushed her again. 

“I know…I know,” she said. Costia rocked Lexa back and forth until her eyes started drooping, and she dosed off…

Lexa woke up with something warm next to her. She buried her into the fabric. 

“Hi there, Lexa,” said Costia. Lexa groaned. “Did you leave before Octavia could bring you down?” Costia rubbed Lexa’s forehead. Lexa nuzzled her nose into Costia’s shoulder. Costia sighed. “You need to eat something.” Lexa shook her head. “I’ll make you a sandwich.” Lexa shook her head and tightened her hand on Costia’s shirt. 

“N-no. I’m sorry. Don’t leave,” she said. Costia gave her arm a squeeze. 

“It’ll just be a second, Lex,” she said. Costia sat up and Lexa’s head spun. Lexa opened her eyes. Costia handed her a glass of water. 

“Don’t leave,” Lexa whispered. Costia nodded. Lexa sat there for a few minutes breathing deeply.

“It wasn’t Octavia,” she said. 

“What?” said Costia. Lexa pressed her nose into Costia’s shoulder.

“Octavia’s friend covered for her,” said Lexa. Costia pushed Lexa back and looked her in the eye.

“Did she hurt you, Lexa?” Lexa shook her head. It was the opposite. “Lexa…”

“No,” said Lexa. “I-It was just different.” 

“Bad different?” she said. Lexa shook her head. 

“Just a lot,” she said. Costia nodded. 

“You don’t want to talk about it?” said Costia. Lexa shook her head. Costia ran her hand through Lexa’s hair.

“She made it better, but it h-hhurts again,” she said. Costia nodded. 

“Okay, okay,” said Costia. Lexa closed her eyes. She leaned into Costia. SHe pulled the blanket up over Lexa’s shoulders. “Just relax, okay? Everything is going to be alright.”  
********************************************************************************  
Clarke slid down against the door and out her face in her hands. She couldn’t get her out of her head. The Commander. Lexa. She fell down onto the bed in the on-call room. She had been up for almost 30 hours between her two jobs. She finally had a break. And she couldn’t get Lexa out of her head. The vulnerability and fear in her eyes. How soft her skin felt. Her tattoos… 

Clarke pulled down her scrub pants and underwear. Her hand slid down, lower and lower. She rubbed her clit between her fingers and groaned. The image of Lexa’s back and her thighs…how they tightened when she was just starting to reach the peak of her orgasm. There were the little noises she made while she was completely at Clarke’s mercy. God…Clarke just wanted to…

She leaned over Lexa, straddling her and kissing down her neck down to her breasts. She gently pulled on her nipple with her teeth. Lexa moaned. Her back arched up off of the table. Her hands wandered lower, rubbing at Lexa’s hips. She rubbed at Lexa’s clit as she jerked upwards. Clarke kissed down Lexa’s stomach and right when she reached where Lexa wanted her most she jumped over and kissed her thighs. She could smell the slick dripping down her thighs.

“Clarke…” Lexa gasped. Clarke lifted her head and licked a long wet swipe across her clit…

The door swung open. 

“Jesus!”

“Octavia!”

Clarke yanked the blanket over her.

“God, have you heard of knocking?” Clarke demanded. 

“Have you heard of locking the door?” said Octavia, covering her eyes. 

“I thought it was locked,” said Clarke. 

“It wasn’t,” said Octavia. “And why were you jacking off in the on-call room?” 

“Where the fuck else was a supposed to jack off?” she said.

“Not in the hospital?” said Octavia. 

“I haven’t been home since I called you yesterday evening, cut me some slack, O,” she said. Octavia nodded. She walked in and shut the door. 

“How were things with The Commander?” she said. Clarke pulled up her scrub pants under the blanket and went over to the sink to wash her hands. 

“Yeah…that…” she said. “Lexa…she’s…” Octavia raised her eyebrows. 

“Do you wanna see her again?” said Octavia. 

“No—uh…” said Clarke. “Maybe? I don’t know. Why?” Octavia smiled. 

“Nothing,” she said. “I can talk to her when she comes in tomorrow and see if she wants to switch to you.”

“Why are you trying to pawn her off on me?” said Clarke. Octavia shrugged and they made eye contact in the mirror. 

“I’m not trying to pawn her off,” said Octavia. She walked out.

“Okay…” said Clarke. She grabbed her ID badge and walked out of the room.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Pride!! In July, I'm going to try to have a more constant update, but I'm going to try to update every 2 weeks or so. 
> 
> Enjoy!!

It had been almost a week. And Clarke couldn’t get Lexa out of her head. Or how Octavia was pushing her onto Clarke. 

Not that Clarke didn’t want to do Lexa’s session. She very much wanted to touch Lexa again. She just also wanted to know if Lexa wanted Clarke to touch her. Clarke sighed. 

Octavia walked into the locker room and smirked.

“Hey there, Princess,” she said. Clarke’s cheeks went red. “I haven’t seen you in, what, a week?” Octavia pulled of her shirt, as Clarke began doing her make-up. “It’s funny how that happened.” Clarke dropped her arm down and shot Octavia a look. 

“Okay,” she said. “Very funny. You caught me masturbating. It’s not like we haven’t seen worse. It’s not like we, um, I don’t know, did a threesome together?” Octavia rolled her eyes. 

“You’re the one mixing work and play, Clarkey,” she said.

“I’m not doing anything,” said Clarke. 

“Soon you’ll be doing…” Octavia paused and smiled. “Things for the Commander.” She finished pulling off her clothes and slipped on a nearly transparent robe. “Have fun with her.” Octavia walked out. Clarke shook her head. She adjusted her sports bra and looked in the mirror, making sure her leggings hugged her ass adequately. She smirked. She walked out and pressed her ear piece. 

“Tell the Commander, I’m ready,” she said.

Clarke walked in the already-prepared room and finished up by lighting the candles. She smiled at Lexa as the door opened and she came in. 

“Hey,” said Clarke. Lexa’s eyes raked over Clarke’s exposed stomach and her throat bobbed up and down. “You told Murphy that you wanted to see me from now on?” Lexa nodded. She walked over and sat down on the couch, rubbing her leg. She still hadn’t made eye contact once. “Okay, so your goal through this is to use the pleasure to help relieve the pain cause by your…injuries.” Lexa looked up and nodded. “And anal play is your only hard limit?” Lexa finally looked up at her. 

“No more pain,” she said. Clarke nodded and reached over, squeezing her hand.

“Of course,” she said. “I have an idea of some stuff, if you’re willing to try it. You might enjoy some vibrator play.” Lexa looked away again and shrugged. “It wouldn’t have to be tonight. It can be whenever you’re ready. Or never. I just want to make this fell good for you.” Lexa fiddled with the top button of her flannel. 

“Whatever you think is good…” said Lexa quietly. Clarke sighed. She reached over and gently tilted back Lexa’s chin. Lexa flinched, but she looked up at her. 

“You have to tell me if it’s too much, okay?” she said. Lexa nodded. “Reapeat it back to me.”

“I have to tell you if it’s too much,” said Lexa. Clarke smiled.

“What a good girl.” She kissed Lexa’s forehead. “Take your clothes off for me.” Clarke went back to setting up the table. She saw Lexa undress and get to the table, dropping her crutches and prosthetics. Clarke helped her up in the table. Clarke smiled at her. 

“Roll over, baby girl,” she said. Lexa rolled over. Clarke kneaded Lexa’s shoulders. “You need to relax. It’ll be much nicer if you do.” Lexa grunted softly. Clarke winded Lexa’s hair into a quick braid to get it off of her shoulders. Clarke clicked the button for water noises. “Is this good?” Lexa nodded. Clarke dug her hand into the tight muscles of Lexa’s neck. “Let me know if anything hurts, okay?” Lexa let out a grunt. 

Clarke could feel Lexa relax under her fingers, as she slowly went muscle by muscle, finishing up her neck, massaging her shoulders, and working down her back. Lexa began letting out really low moans and sighs. She worked down to Lexa’s butt. Clarke’s hand slid up Lexa’s back again. Most of the tension hadn’t returned.

“You’re such a good girl, Lexa,” she said. “Relaxing for me like this.” Lexa let out a sigh. Clarke’s hands dropped between Lexa’s legs. She rubbed along her thighs and went up to her slit. Lexa trembled. “I’m going to enter you now…” Lexa nodded. Clarke rubbed around the outside of Lexa’s lips. She touched Lexa’s clit. Her legs tensed. Clarke shushed her. 

Clarke’s fingers entered her and rubbed the ring of muscle at the opening of her vagina. Clarke hummed softly as Lexa relaxed back again. Clarke pulled in, rubbing her g-spot. Lexa let out a keening whine. 

“Good girl,” she said. She squeezed Lexa’s butt cheek. She rolled Lexa’s clit with her thumb. Her whole body shook. Clarke shushed her again. “It’s alright…alright…just let it all out…” Lexa let out a loud moan. Clarke switched from just massaging the ring of muscles around her to going in and out. Lexa clutched the edge of the table. “Relax, baby girl…” Lexa whined. Clarke could feel her tensing up for her first orgasm. Lexa let out little breaths.

“Oh, Clarke,” she said. “Cl-clarke—CLARKE!” Her body tensed and released. Lexa let out a small cry. She sobbed and shook. 

“Good,” said Clarke. She gently brought Lexa down from her orgasm, pulling her fingers out and just slowly circling Lexa’s vulva. “Take a deep breath…”

“M-more,” said Lexa. 

“What?” asked Clarke. 

“More…or-orgasm. I want…please…” she said. Clarke smiled softly. 

“Turn over,” she said. She reached over to grab the vibrator and put it within her range. Clarke ran her hand over Lexa’s stomach. Lexa’s face was red. Her eyes were closed. “That feel good, baby girl?” Lexa nodded. “Good…” Lexa nodded. Clarke’s hands drifted up to Lexa’s boobs. She rolled them in her hands and ran her fingers over her nipples. Lexa’s eyes popped open. “Is this okay?” Lexa nodded. “Words, please.”

“Yes. It’s good,” said Lexa. She shivered as Clarke ran her other hand over Lexa’s other nipple. She continued to play with her nipples and waited for Lexa to clam down. Clarke reached down and touched Lexa’s clit. Her thighs tightened up. Clarke ghosted over it several times before Lexa relaxed. 

“I’m going to use the vibe,” she said. “Let me know if it’s too much.” Lexa nodded. Clarke switched it on. She pressed it against Lexa’s clit. A noise between a scream and a moan ripped from her throat. Clarke pulled it off. “Are you okay?” Lexa nodded.

“Yes. More. Please,” she said. Clarke grinned to herself as Lexa leaned her head back and closed her eyes. Clarke pressed the vibe back. Lexa shook and whined. Clarke squeezed her nipple. She could see that Lexa was already pitching closer to her climax. Clarke pulled the vibe back. 

“No…” Clarke rubbed her softly. “I wan…” Clarke pressed it back again. Lexa’s back arched off the table. It only took a few seconds for Lexa to unravel completely. Clarke left the vibe pushed against her for a few seconds and then removed it and replaced it with the slow, soft motion of her fingers.

“That’s it.” Lexa sobbed. “We’re all done. All done.” Lexa tried to curl up into a little ball. Clarke put the vibe down and touched her shoulder. “I’m right here. I’m going to get something to clean you off, okay?” Lexa nodded. 

Clarke grabbed a couple soft cloths from the bathroom. She walked back to Lexa. “Open your legs, baby.” Lexa obeyed. She flinched as Clarke wiped her off. She dried her crotch and thighs off. She threw the cloths in the hamper and picked Lexa’s boxers off the floor, pulling them on her. SHe wrapped Lexa up in a fluffy blanket and held a straw up to her lips. “Drink.” Lexa opened her eyes and sipped. 

“Thank you,” she whispered. Clarke smiled. 

“Don’t thank me, baby girl,” she said. She gave Lexa a soft hiss on the forehead.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter where you learn what happened to Lexa and oh boy no one better tell me to go kill myself

Lexa came a few more times—no pun intended—to the clinic a few more times. And Clarke loved it. She loved touching Lexa and topping Lexa and giving Lexa aftercare. She especially loved when Lexa would let her clean her off and braid her hair. During her boring shifts at work, she drifted off thinking about when Lexa let her give her a bath. 

“I feel…gross,” said Lexa, wrinkling her noise. Clarke looked over at her as she grabbed the Gatorade. 

“Hm?” asked Clarke. Lexa shrugged. “Do you wanna shower?” Lexa closed and opened her mouth. Clarke held out the straw to Lexa’s lips. Lexa took a sip.   
m  
“C-could you…help?” she asked weakly. Clarke raised an eyebrow. 

“Do you want me to give you a bath?” said Clarke. Lexa nodded rapidly. 

“Pl-please,” she said quietly. Clarke gave Lexa a bit smile. 

“I’ll set up a bath for you, okay, baby girl?” she asked. Lexa nodded again. Clarke walked into the bathroom. The bathroom was much nicer than it had any right to be. All the fixtures were made of genuinely made of beautiful porcelain. The tub was huge and had powerful jets in it. She opened the faucet and messed with it until it hit the nice warm temperature. She squeezed some bath bombs and bubbles into it. She walked back to Lexa. Before she could ask Lexa anything, she held out her arms to be picked up. Clarke grinned and scooped her up. She was surprisingly light…

Clarke sat Lexa down at the edge of the tub. Lexa looked down at the bath.

“It’s nice, huh?” said Clarke. Lexa nodded. She stuck her hand in the water. “Too hot or cold?” 

“Fine,” said Lexa. Clarke nodded. 

“You can get in whenever you’re ready,” she said. Lexa chewed on her lips. “What’s wrong? We keep the tub really clean, if that’s what you’re worried about. Everything gets bleached and sanitized after each use and at the end of the day.” Lexa shook her head.

“I-it’s not that,” she said. “This is perfect. Thank you.” Clarke smiled. 

“I’m glad,” she said. “You’re not allergic to any soaps, are you?” Lexa shook her head. “Here, I’ll help you in the tub.” Clarke put her hands under Lexa’s shoulders and lifted her onto the ledge in the tub. Lexa still looked a little nervous. “What’s wrong, baby?” Lexa’s jaw flexed. 

“Um, the tub is big,” said Lexa. Clarke sat down at the edge of it. Lexa opened and closed her mouth, stuttering quietly. 

“Do you want me to come in with you, baby girl?” she asked. Lexa’s face shone bright red. “It’s okay, you can ask.” 

“C-can…can you come in with me?” said Lexa. Clarke smirked at her. 

“Please?” she asked. Lexa’s face got even redder. Clarke rolled her eyes and shucked off her sports bra and yoga pants. She smirked at her and pulled off her underpants. Lexa’s entire face, the tips of her ears and neck turned bright red. “Do you like what you see, baby girl?” Lexa opened and closed her mouth. Clarke slid in around from her and turned on the jets. One spurted right in Lexa’s back and she let out a yelp. Clarke giggled and shushed her. She splashed her gently. Lexa giggled. The sound made Clarke’s heart explode. She had never heard anything really like it. And God, did she want to hear it again. Clarke pecked Lexa’s forehead. 

“Let me wash your hair,” said Clarke. She pulled Lexa between her legs. Lexa let out a squeak. Clarke started massaging shampoo in Lexa’s hair as she started to relax. 

Clarke smiled and tried not to think of how domestic it felt. It was almost wrong. Lexa was her client. She had a whole life outside of this. She could have a girlfriend…or a boyfriend. She could have all sorts of family and friends who would think God knows what if they new about Lexa being here or Clarke and her profession. This is also totally ignoring Lexa’s obvious trauma and mental illness as well as trying to turn of the part of her brain that was constantly worried about Lexa and was desperate to know what had happened to her. 

She could feel pressure on her chest as Lexa started dozing. 

“Hey, baby girl. Don’t fall asleep on me,” she said. Lexa smiled sleepily. Clarke reached over and grabbed a wash cloth. She wiped down Lexa’s face and her hand went over and rubbed her breasts. Lexa started and Clarke froze.

“Are you okay?” Lexa nodded.

“S-sorry,” she said. “I got startled.” Clarke gave her a reassuring smiled and wiped down to her hips. She paused before going lower. Lexa reached over and pulled her hand down. Clarke wiped a little lower and lower. She rubbed Lexa’s sensitive clit. Lexa’s hips buckled. 

“Clarke…” Lexa moaned. Clarke dropped the cloth. She slid one hand through Lexa’s hair and another rubbing her nub. Lexa’s body started shaking almost immediately. Clarke lifted her hand back up.

“You’re not coming that fast,” Clarke said. She rubbed her hand through Lexa’s tuffs of hair. Lexa took some slow breaths. Clarke’s hand came back down again. Lexa let out a squeak as Clarke started rubbing her once again. Lexa’s hips buckled again. Clarke kiss and sucked on Lexa’s neck. Lexa squeezed Clarke’s thighs as she arched up off seat. Her legs tightened up. She jerked her head back and let out a loud, erotic sigh. 

And Clarke spent the rest of the next day trying not to think about it. Because it was domestics and sweet and it wasn’t like their other sessions. This wasn’t about pain relief. This was tender touching. This was—

“Griffin!” Clarke looked up from her tablet, where she was she was looking through and updating patient charts. Dr. Nyko was marching towards her down the hall. She nearly dropped her tablet.

“Yes, sir,” she said. Dr. Nyko handed her a different tablet. 

“There’s a patient I want you to see,” he said. 

“Me?” asked Clarke. 

“Yes. She needs a…gentle hand,” he said. Clarke looked at the tablet. “She was one of the people in the National Guard who responded to the bombing done by those terrorist Pike and Blake at that community center…” He shook his head. “She was caught in one of the explosions. The bottom half of her body was crushed…” Nyko lead her down the hall. Clarke tried to read and follow him. “Her injuries were very extensive. She had a spinal fusion and internal bleeding. She’s missing half a liver and a kidney. She has burning on 40% of her body. She also was hit with a fair bit of shrapnel…” Clarke tried to follow him and his conversation. As she got closer and closer, her eyes hit a sentence:

“Lost both legs, right below knee; left leg above it.” Clarke nearly slammed into Nyko as he stopped outside a curtained off area. 

“She has terrible chronic pain,” said Nyko. “And I trust you to be understanding of her and her difficulties. She also sustained a mild TBI and has PTSD…” Nyko sighed.

“Ready, Griffin?” Clarke was still trying to wrap her head around this. Could it be? There was no way—

Nyko pulled back the curtain. 

There was a dark-skinned woman standing by the gurney, biting her nail and pacing. And on the gurney was a scrunched-up form with a too large hoodie and two poetics on the floor. 

“Ms. Wood?” The girl looked up from the bed. Clarke’s stomach bottomed out.

Because there was the girl, red face, with large puffy eyes. 

“Lexa…”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chap. I'll probably start updating this more frequently as I am almost done with one of my other fics.
> 
> I always love to hear your feedback!!

“Hmm?” said Dr. Nyko. Clarke looked between him and Lexa. 

“Uh…nothing,” she said. Nyko shrugged. 

“Anyway, how are you doing, Alexandria?” he asked. She shrugged and rubbed her nose. The woman next to her rubbed her face. 

“We had a tough afternoon,” she said. Lexa crinkled her nose. The woman sat next to her and pulled Lexa part way onto her lap. 

“How’s your pain?” asked Nyko. Lexa buried her face deeper into The woman’s neck.

“Lexa…” said The woman. 

“Bad,” said Lexa. She squeezed her eyes shut. 

“The pain in her legs has been getting worse,” said The woman. “I-I don’t know what to do. She can’t even put her prosthetics on. She can’t even sit up most of the time…” Clarke furrowed her eyebrows. It had only been a few days. How had she got that bad that fast? Lexa looked up and made eye contact with Clarke. Clarke smiled at her. God, what do you do when one of your clients from your secondary sex worker job becomes one of your patients at your profession as a medical intern? Should she ask if Lexa wants someone else? She would be revealing both her secrets and Lexa’s. 

But when she made eye contact with Lexa she saw something that surprised her. It was almost relief. Dr. Nyko put a hand on Clarke’s shoulder. 

“Dr. Griffin here, is going to take your vitals and take care of you, and after we’ll figure out where to go from there,” he said. The woman nodded. “Blood work, vita, examine her scars. Get me when you’re done.” Clarke nodded. 

She took her stethoscope off her neck. 

“Can I listen to your heart?” she asked. Lexa nodded. Clarke pressed it to her chest. She felt Lexa shiver. “Relax…” she murmured. Lexa and her made eye contact. Clarke fought a blush. Clarke moved the end of the stethoscope to her back. “Deep breath.” Clarke glanced back over at the tablet. “You’re doing well considering the inhalation burns that you have sustained.” Clarke tried not to think of the raspy noise Lexa made when she came. She moved the end of it to the other side of her back. “Another deep breath, please.” Clarke looked down and saw Lexa’s hand. She had a death grip on the end of the table. 

Clarke leaned up right up to her ear, letting Lexa’s head block the woman from her view.

“Would you be more comfortable with a different doctor?” she whispered. Lexa shook her head. 

“No,” she breathed. The woman perked up almost immediately.

“What did you say, love?” Clarke’s chest constricted. 

“Nothing,” said Lexa. She coughed weakly, although Clarke couldn’t hear anything moving from her lung. The woman walked over and squeezed Lexa’s hand. 

“I know you don’t like it, Lex, but it will be over soon,” she said. “Just let the doctor work.” Lexa nodded and bit the inside of her cheek. Clarke put her stethoscope back around her neck. She walked over and pulled some equipment over. Clarke smiled at her. 

“Can I have your finger, please?” she asked. Lexa’s forehead creased. Clarke tried not to laugh. She looked so cute. Clarke lifted up a small clip. “Pulse ox.” Lexa nodded and held her hand out. Clarke clipped it to her finger. Lexa stared down at it and bounced her foot against the exam table. Clarke looked back at the tablet. “Have you had any side effects from your medication? You’re on new medication for pain?” Lexa shrugged. 

“The meds have helped with, um, some of the internal pain…” Lexa sighed and rolled the end of her shirt between her fingers. “But, uh, b-but…” Lexa made a tight fist with her free hand. The woman rubbed her shoulder. 

“Her legs still hurt. She still has phantom pain, as well as the burns hurt,” she said. Clarke nodded. 

“It hurts…” said Lexa, swallowing. Clarke nodded. 

“Okay,” she said. She pulled off the pulse ox. “We’ll work and figure out some way to help you, okay?” Lexa nodded. Clarke looked down. “Pulse ox is good.” She came back over with the blood pressure cuff. “Give me your arm, please?” Lexa stuck her arm out. Clarke attached the blood pressure cuff around her arm and stuck the stethoscope back in her ears. Lexa was rocking back and forth, fidgeting. “Hold still please…” Lexa bit her lip.

“Costia…” she mumbled. The woman, Costia, squeezed her free hand.

“Lexa…it’s okay,” she said. “I know you don’t like it, just take it easy, okay?” Lexa squeezed her eyes shut and nodded. She opened her eyes and looked up at Clarke.

“I’m sorry…” she said. “I-I…” Clarke shook her head.

“It’s fine,” she said. Constantly being poked and prodded after nearly being killed probably wasn’t good for anyone’s mental health. She took of the blood pressure cuff.

“Your BP is a little high…obviously,” she said. Clarke reached into one of the drawers and pulled out a gown. “Could you change into this? I’ll be back in a minute.” Lexa nodded. Clarke walked out. 

She closed the door behind her. She sighed and slid down against the wall and rubbed her face. She tried to pull herself together. All she had to do was get through this exam. And deal with the fact that her favorite client had a wife? Girlfriend? And was a hero from the terrorist attacks… And...God, she was so broken. So beautiful. And now Clarke was going to have to examine her scars. Clarke took another deep breath and gently smacked her head against the wall. 

She knocked on the door. 

“Are you ready?” she asked. 

“Yeah. She’s descent,” said Costia. Clarke opened the door, her professional smile on her face. 

“Okay,” said Clarke. Lexa was leaned back on the table with her eyes closed. Her right knee was bent slightly. Clarke looked away as she saw Lexa’s boxers peeking out. Clarke spirted some hand sanitizer on her hands and walked over. “Where are you more comfortable with me starting?” 

“Top down,” she mumbled. Clarke nodded and gave her a reassuring smile and looked down at the tablet and then back at her. 

“I’m going to lower your gown is that, okay?” she said. Lexa nodded. Clarke helped her sit up and pulled the gown down to her shoulders. Clarke examined the scars on her upper back and the ones on her shoulders. “Everything looks like its healing good up here.” She pulled Lexa’s gown back up. “Can I look at your belly?” Lexa nodded and leaned back. Costia jumped back on the exam table and leaned Lexa’s head on her lap.

“Is this okay?” she asked Clarke. Clarke swallowed and nodded. 

“Of course. Whatever helps her be more comfortable,” said Clarke. She flashed Lexa a smiled. Lexa’s eyebrows furrowed. Clarke reached down to the end of her gown. Clarke looked her straight in the eye. “May I?” Lexa nodded and leaned back. Clarke pulled up and folded the gown up to her ribs. She looked over the scars and uneven skin on her stomach and hips like it’s the first time she’s ever seen them. She glanced over at the open tablet. 

“Have you been using the ointment for your scars?” asked Clarke. Lexa looked away. “I’ll take that as a no?” Costia bit her lip and shook her head. 

“It doesn’t feel good…” said Lexa. 

“I know that if feels kind of gross, but you really need to do it. It will keep contractures from forming and the skin from becoming so tough,” said Clarke. Lexa closed her eyes and nodded. “We can try a different brand, if you’d like? I really think it will help you a lot if you like.” Lexa shrugged and nodded. “Okay. Good.” She looked at the pale surgical scars. “These look pretty good.” Clarke looked back up at Lexa, trying to give off the most gentle vibes possible. “Can I lower your underwear a little, so I can see the scars on your hips?” Lexa closed her eyes and nodded. Costia squeezed her hand again. Clarke lowered it just enough to see the ball of Lexa’s hip. Clarke gently pressed on it. Lexa let out a small noise.

“Hey, shh…” said Costia.

“Did that hurt?” asked Clarke. Lexa blushed. 

“N-no,” she said. “Just startled me.” Clarke gave her another soft smile. She pulled Lexa’s boxers back up. She pulled Lexa’s gown down a little. 

“I’m going to look at your legs now,” she said. Lexa nodded and closed her eyes. 

The scars looked as angry as she remembered them. She gently ran her hand over Lexa’s thigh and the scar at the bas of it. Lexa flinched again.

“Sorry,” she said. Lexa balled up her fist and nodded. Clarke moved to her other leg. She gently touched the end of it at looked at the scars around her knee. She grabbed it to bend it.

“No,” whined Lexa. She froze.

“Your knee won’t bend?” asked Clarke. Lexa nodded. She shoved her hand in her mouth and nodded. Clarke could seethe tightness of the joint of her knee. “Okay. I won’t touch it. Dr. Nyko will probably want to check your range of motion later.” She nodded. “I’m going to take some blood and then we’ll be done here.” Lexa nodded and sat up off Costia’s lap. 

Clarke walked over and grabbed the kit. Clarke tied the rubber band around her arm and looked for a vein. 

“There’s a vein…” Clarke mumbled. “Relax. Try not to flinch, okay?” Lexa nodded. Costia pressed Lexa’s face into her shoulder. Clarke rubbed the disinfectant on Lexa’s arm. She flinched. “And…there you go…” Lexa whined. Clarke filled up the vial and pulled out the needle. “All done. I’ll be back soon.” 

She shut the door behind her and dropped off the blood. She sat in the hall, slid down the wall and pressed her hand into her eyes. She took a shudder breath and tried not to cry at the damage she saw o that beautiful girl’s body.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is later than I planned for it to come out, but I was working on some of my other stories.
> 
> Comments and kudos appreciated.

Clarke rubbed her face in the shower. Today was supposed to be Lexa’s appointment, but considering what had happened two days ago. She wasn’t even sure if Lexa was out of the hospital. Her shift had ended before she could find out what happened. She hadn’t been assigned to her the next day. And of course, it’s not like she could go and find out…well, it’s not like she should go and find out. This whole situation breaks so many ethical boundaries she didn’t even know where to begin. She probably should have removed herself from Lexa’s case right away. But that would involve a lot of explaining of situations of dubious legality. She could lose her license. 

Clarke rubbed her face and sighed. At least she wouldn’t have to worry about that anymore. There was no way Lexa would come back after that. She couldn’t help feeling disappointed. 

A loud beep of the intercom echoed throughout the room. 

“Hey, Princess. The Commander is here,” said Murphy. Clarke froze.

“What?” 

“The Commander is here. She’s been hear for like ten minutes,” he said. 

“Fuck!” said Clarke. She jumped out of the shower and started drying herself off. “I’m coming. I’ll be there in, like, ten minutes?” 

“Whatever,” said Murphy. “I’ll let her know.” He paused. “She looks nervous as fuck. What did you do to her?” Clarke sighed.

“Shut the fuck up, Murphy,” she said. “I’ll let you know when to send her over.” Murphy grunted and hung up. She tried off and speed dressed. She put her hair up into a bun. She applied some light makeup. She slipped her earpiece into her ear. 

“Murphy, I’m ready,” she said. She walked over to the White Room and almost started lighting the candles. She paused. Then she grabbed the candles and began to light them anyway. The door slid open. Lexa was sitting there in her wheelchair. She looked so fragile. So small. 

Clarke smiled at her. 

“Hi, Lexa.” Lexa pushed herself in and let the door close behind her. 

“Hi,” she mumbled. Clarke sat down on the couch and patted next to her. 

“Come over here,” she said. “We need to talk.” Lexa froze. “Don’t be nervous. There are some things…we just need to discuss.” Lexa nodded slowly. 

“Oh-k-kay,” said Lexa. She rolled over and moved onto the couch. Clarke reached over and grabbed Lexa’s hand. 

“It’s…it’s not ethical for me to be both your doctor and…this,” she said. “It’s barely ethical for me to be this with your…” Clarke sighed. “We need boundaries. Very strong boundaries.” Lexa bit her lip. “This needs to be a professional relationship, okay?” Lexa opened and closed her mouth. She nodded. Clarke reached out and stroked her face. “I’m not trying to be mean, okay?”

“I’m not cheating,” said Lexa. 

“What?” said Clarke.

“Costia is my girlfriend…sort of…but she knows. This was her idea. And Octavia. I wouldn’t—I can’t…let her touch me…” Clarke stared at Lexa, her mind reeling. “Please just…please keep seeing me…” Clarke nodded. 

“No, of course,” said Clarke. “I’m not dropping you. I just can’t be your doctor again, okay?” Lexa nodded. “I like you. You’re a good client, respectful…you tip well.” Clarke smiled. “I have no reason to drop you. I just don’t want things to get…complicated.” Lexa nodded.

“Do you have anything that you want to tell me? It can be whatever. Don’t be shy,” said Clarke. Lexa sighed and opened and closed her mouth.

“Don’t judge me,” she said. Clarke looked at her, surprised.

“Of course not,” she said. Lexa looked down and fiddled with her sleeve.

“I t-tried other things…for the pain…drugs…PT…a pain clinic…I was about to go for more surgery when Octavia suggested this,” said Lexa. Lexa glanced up a Clarke. “I didn’t want more surgery. But I couldn’t live with the pain…now I can.” Clarke nodded slowly. She reached out and squeezed Lexa’s hand. 

“It’s okay. You’ve been through a lot. You don’t need to explain yourself to me,” she said. Lexa nodded, but she didn’t seem convinced.

“I—my co-workers and friends, they, um, they died that day…I, um, I watched them die,” Lexa choked out. “The therapy didn’t help. I couldn’t—I can’t…” Clarke shushed her and tried not to think about how this was definitely the most that she’s ever heard Lexa talk.

“Hey, shh…it’s okay…” she said. Lexa nodded. She had a far off look in her eye. 

“I just want to feel good…” Clarke nodded. 

“I understand. That’s why I’m here,” she said. Lexa nodded slowly. She grabbed bot of Lexa’s hands and pulled them to her chest. “My job is to help you, Lexa. You have done so much for others. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through. You deserve to relax a little bit.” Lexa swallowed and nodded.

“Okay,” said Lexa. Clarke smiled at her. 

“Now, would you like to get started?” Lexa nodded. 

“Can I suggest something?” asked Clarke. Lexa nodded. Clarke walked over and pulled out a large rounded seat-looking thing. “This is a Sybain. If you’re feeling up for it, we can try it after your massage.” Lexa bit the inside of her lip. “It’s a masturbator designed specifically for women. It vibrates and you can rock back and forth on it, giving you the right amount and type of stimulation to push you over the edge. It can penetrate you vaginally and it rubs against your clit.” Lexa tilted her head as Clarke put it down on another table. “Would you like to try it?” Lexa nodded slowly. “It feels really good, I promise. And if it’s too much, you let me know. We can always stop.” 

“Okay. Could you strip for me?” said Clarke. Lexa nodded. Clarke turned around and took a deep breath. It was okay. Everything was fine between the two of them. She could continue to help her. 

“I’m ready,” said Lexa. 

Clarke turned back around and smiled at her. Lexa was sitting up still, with her hands clenched tightly in front of her. 

“Don’t look so tense,” Clarke teased. She rubbed Lexa’s shoulder gently. “Lay on your belly.” Lexa smiled softly and rolled over. Clarke quickly braided Lexa’s hair and tossed it over Lexa’s shoulder. She put massage oil on her hands and started rubbed Lexa’s neck and shoulders. Lexa let out a sigh. Clarke giggled softly. Lexa sighed again. 

“What ended up happening at the hospital?” asked Clarke. “I really wanted to stick around…” Lexa shrugged. “You don’t need to tell me. I’m sorry I asked.” Clarke tried not to sound hurt. She felt like she had made so much progress with Lexa today. As much as she cared about her, she didn’t want to fuck it all up. 

Clarke started kneading the knots at the base of Lexa’s shoulders. She watched Lexa’s hand flex.

“Does it hurt?” Lexa shook her head. “Then relax…” Clarke gently rubbed her knuckle in the middle of Lexa’s back. “You’re so tense. Let me help you, baby.” Lexa took a deep breath. Clarke started humming softly. She slid her hands down over Lexa’s tattoos.

Other than the humming, Clarke worked in silence. She worked down Lexa’s back. Clarke pressed down harder around Lexa’s hip and lower back. Lexa moaned.

“You okay, Lex?” Clarke asked. Lexa nodded. “Good…” Lexa’s hips canted. Clarke smiled to herself and reached down and squeezed Lexa’s ass. Lexa let out a moan. She dug the heel of her hand into Lexa’s lower back. The other one dipped down and rubbed her labia. Lexa’s leg jerked. 

“You’re so wet…” said Clarke. Lexa moaned. 

“Cl-clarke…” Clarke massaged Lexa’s clit, rubbing little circles around it. Lexa’s hips jerked. 

“There we go,” she said. Lexa started breathing hard. Clarke waited until Lexa was sufficiently worked up. She then stopped and lifted her up. Lexa let out a surprised whine. Clarke gently placed her down on the Sybain. Lexa let out a groan.

“Is this good?” asked Clarke. Lexa nodded. Clarke slowly turned the Sybain on. Lexa shivered. “Can I kiss you?” Lexa nodded. 

“Y-yes…” she said. Clarke put her hands on her hips and started kissing her on the lips. Lexa moaned into her mouth. 

“That’s it, baby girl,” said Clarke. She rocked Lexa back and forth and turned up the motor. Lexa’s breathing got faster and fast. Lexa’s body arched back. Clarke leaned down and licked her nipple. Lexa gripped onto the back of Clarke’ shirt. Lexa started rocking herself faster and faster.

Lexa’s entire body snapped back. She shook and shivered and let out a loud, erotic cry. Clarke turned around and reached to turn the motor down. Lexa gasped as Clarke rocked her until her body went limp. She closed her eyes.

“Good girl,” said Clarke. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a super short chapter because I'm a piece of shit, but I'll post the next one on Monday. That one should be a decent length.

Lexa moaned softly as Clarke wiped between her sticky thighs. Clarke shushed her and pulled her legs open a little more. 

“I’m almost done,” Clarke said. She gave Lexa a small smile. She finished up. When she came back, she lifted Lexa up and put her on the couch. Clarke pulled a blanket over Lexa’s shoulders and pulled her into her lap. Clarke stroked Lexa’s hair as Lexa nuzzled into her shoulder. Clarke smiled. Clarke’s other hand rubbed up and down Lexa’s arm. 

“Are you sore?” asked Clarke. Lexa nodded. 

“Feels…good,” she said with a smirk. Clarke chuckled. 

“I’m glad,” she said. Lexa pressed her nose into Clarke’s shoulder. She sighed.

“I should get dressed,” Lexa said. “Costia is coming to pick me up soon. I should get dressed.”

“Okay,” said Clarke. Lexa didn’t move. Clarke chuckled.

“S-sorry,” said Lexa. She started moving. 

“You don’t have to move, Lexa,” she said. “You’re my last client.” Lexa nodded slowly. “And even if you weren’t, I always leave time for aftercare.” Lexa sighed and nodded. She closed her eyes and leaned back. Clarke reached over and grabbed a bottle of Gatorade. She opened the lid and lifted it to Lexa’s lips. Lexa took a sip and rested very solidly against her chest. Clarke smiled. 

“How did you end up doing this?” Lexa asked quietly.

“Hm?” asked Clarke.

“You know…lots about me, but I know nothing about you…” said Lexa. Clarke sighed and nodded. 

“You know…that’s kind of how this is supposed to work,” said Clarke. “I’m a dominatrix. I’m supposed to be mysterious.” Lexa looked up at her and creased he eyebrows. “I’m joking.”

“I’m not,” said Lexa. Clarke sighed and leaned her head back.

“My ex-boyfriend cheated on me with a sub that works here, Raven. I followed him and found this place. I became friends with Raven. I was broke, and I needed money for med school. Sher offered me a job…The rest is history,” she said. Lexa nodded.

“Oh,” she said. 

“Yeah…working here…it’s like what you’d think,” she said. “Especially when I have cute clients like you.” A blush rose up on Lexa’s chest. Lexa turned. They stared at each other for a minute. It was peaceful. All there was was them. 

A buzz came from Lexa’s pants on her chair.

“Shit,” said Lexa. She leaned forward, holding the blanket to her chest. She reached into the pocket of her sweat pants. “Costia is here…” Lexa scooted to the end of the couch and grabbed her underwear. She dressed herself. Clarke watched her with mild fascination at how smooth her movements were. Lexa caught her staring and raised an eyebrow.

“D-don’t stare,” she said. Clarke looked up at her.

“You’re beautiful,” she said. Lexa shook her head. She finished pulling her clothes on. She reached out for her chair and winced. “Do you want some help?” Lexa nodded. Clarke pulled her up under her armpits and put her on the chair. Lexa leaned over and supported her head with her hand. Clarke pushed her into the waiting room.

“Lexa?” said Costia. Clarke and Lexa looked up. Costia stared at Lexa. 

“Is that…Dr. Griffin?” she said. Lexa’s head perked up and looked between the two of them. 

“I better go,” said Clarke. She almost ran into the back area. She slammed the door behind her and sighed. She slid down against the wall. Shit. Lexa never told Costia.  
***********************************************************************************  
Costia didn’t say anything as she pushed Lexa to the car and helped her in. 

“Costia…” said Lexa. 

“You know what? We’re not going to talk about it now,” she said. She buckled Lexa in. “I would like an explanation from you, but we’re not doing this now. We’re going to go home, and you’re going to take a shower and a nap.” Lexa nodded. Costia squeezed her hand. Lexa didn’t know why she felt so guilty. Costia new about everything. She thought about what Clarke said about dom and doctor crossing a line. She thought that Clarke had been overreacting. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe Clarke was right and she shouldn’t be seeing her as a doctor and her dom and her friend and maybe she wanted to be more than friends, but God, Clarke was a fucking sex working and…

“Lexa!” Costia had pulled the car over and had her hand on Lexa’s thigh. “Lexa, breath. It’s okay. I’m not mad, Lexa. Relax, please. It’s okay. I just wanted to wait until you felt rested to tell me. Shit, Lexa I’m so sorry.” It was then that Lexa realized her blood had rushed to her head. Her breathing was coming out fast. Costia rubbed her cheek. “Lexa, please calm d—fuck.” Lexa felt her head go light. Her eyes rolled back. Everything went dark.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kinda short but it's pretty heavy, so I figured you guys wouldn't be too mad. I feel like this story is around the half way point around now. I'll update again at the beginning of next week.
> 
> And, hey  
> thanks.

Lexa blinked awake. 

“Oh my God, fuck, Lexa. Don’t scare me like that,” said Costia. She stopped shaking Lexa’s shoulder and leaned back. “Are you okay?” Lexa nodded. “Do we need to go to the hospital?” Lexa shook her head. 

“N-no,” said Lexa. “It’s fine. I’m fine.” Lexa sat up all the way. “Let’s just go home.” Costia stared at her for a moment and nodded slowly.

Costia kept an eye on her as Lexa after they got home. Lexa snuck off to the shower. She could hear Costia waiting outside the door. She came out of the bathroom.

“Want anything or just to rest?” said Costia. Lexa shrugged. 

“If you wanna talk now, we can talk now,” Lexa muttered. Costia raised an eyebrow. 

“No. You need to rest,” said Costia. She handed Lexa a water bottle. Lexa took a sip. She wheeled Lexa to bed and tucked her in. Costia put the water bottle on the side table and kiss her forehead. “No matter what, I still love you, Lex. I care about you so much. I’m so proud of you.” Lexa nodded. She closed her eyes and drifted off…  
***********************************************************************************  
Lexa woke up feeling incredibly sore. It didn’t really feel good anymore. The workout and strain on her muscles caught up with her. She groaned. Costia materialized next to her.

“Lexa?” she asked. “What’s wrong?” Lexa shook her head. 

“Sore,” she whined. Costia ran her hand through Lexa’s hair. 

“Do you want your meds?” she asked. Lexa stretched and debated how sore her muscles were and if she thought the meds would actually work. She sighed. 

“I don’t know. I don’t think so,” she said. Costia rubbed her forehead. 

“I’ll get some heating pads,” she said. “I’ll be right back, okay?” Lexa nodded. Costia walked out. Lexa tried to sit up. Her muscle twinged in discomfort. Lexa fell back against the bed. Costia came back and settled the heating pads on her hip. Costia patted her shoulder. 

“Do you want to talk now?” Lexa asked. Costia bit her lip.

“You should rest…” she said. Lexa shook her head.

“No…you deserve an explanation,” Lexa said. Lexa tried to sit up again. Costia lifted Lexa’s shoulder up and stuck a pillow under it. She handed Lexa a water bottle. Lexa took a sip.

“Octavia couldn’t make it one day. She sent Clarke to cover for her,” Lexa began.

“Clarke?” asked Lexa.

“Dr. Griffin.” Costia nodded. “She, um, she made me feel good. Better than Octavia. I’ve been seeing her ever since. I didn’t know she was a doctor until we went to Dr. Nyko.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” said Costia. Lexa shrugged and sighed. “Because…of course not…”Costia squeezed her hand.

“I like Clarke,” said Lexa. “I enjoy seeing her. She makes me feel good.” Costia nodded slowly.

“When Octavia first suggested this whole thing…” Costia rubbed her face. “I’ve been trying to hep you get better, Lexa. I was just so desperate. You wouldn’t do any of the pain management exercises after Nyko lowered your meds. You would just stay in bed all day. And cry. And Octavia told me about how Raven used sex to make her feel better in a health environment….and you wouldn’t let me touch you. And…I just wanted you to feel better. I trusted that Octavia would take care of you and I just…” Costis rubbed her face. “I love you so much…fuck…I can’t handle this anymore, Lex.” Lexa opened and closed her mouth. Blind fear rushed over her. “I tried so hard to help you. You lost your legs and your mentor and your siblings, and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to stick you in a long term care facility. I wanted to fix you. But I can’t fix you. Only you can do that.” Lexa gulped.

“What are you saying?” she asked. 

“I can’t be your girlfriend. I haven’t been it in a long time,” said Costia. “You can stay here with me but…we’re not dating. And I’ll help you, but you have to do something. You can’t wallow like this forever, Lexa. I won’t let you.” Lexa nodded slowly. 

“Okay…” she said. Costia squeezed her hand and pulled Lexa into her chest. Lexa pressed her nose into Costia’s shoulder. 

“I’m sorry, Lexa. I’m not trying to be mean, but this isn’t good…for either of us.” Lexa nodded.

“I’m sorry I’m like this,” said Lexa. Costia shook her head. 

“That’s not what’s happening, Lexa. You’re brilliant. But you need some tough love. I’ve been babying you for…ages now…and you aren’t getting any better.” Lexa sniffled. She leaned back and rubbed her nose. “You can’t live the rest of your life just existing, Lexa. It’s not healthy. You deserve better. Gutus, Anya, and Aden would want better for you…” Lexa sniffled.

“I-I muh-miss them so much,” Lexa sobbed. Costia shushed her and rubbed her back. 

“I know, baby. I know,” said Costia. Lexa continued to sob. They sat there with Costia rubbing Lexa’s back for what felt like hours. Once the tears started, Lexa couldn’t stop. All she could think about was her family. How they were gone. How much she loved them. Aden crying and begging her not to go. Gutus’ face before they split up to try to find Pike and the source of the destruction. Anya’s face the second before the explosion destroyed their lives. The months in the hospital in pain, clinging to Costia and begging for her siblings…her mentor. 

Lexa’s breathing started evening out. 

“Good,” said Costia. “That’s it. Just get it all out…” Lexa shuddered.

“I think I like Clarke,” she said. Costia nodded slowly. 

“Yeah?” asked Costia. Lexa nodded. 

“I don’t…” Lexa sighed.

“We don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to,” said Costia. “We can talk about it later.” Costia sat back and handed Lexa her water bottle. “Drink.” Lexa took a sip.

“Thank you,” said Lexa. “For everything. You’ve been so great.” Costia nodded. 

“I know. But you deserve it,” said Costia. “Not because you’re a hero for what you did that day or because you got hurt…” Costia kissed Lexa’s forehead. “You’re a great person even without that, Lex. And that’s not all you are.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended happily. You know what that means... Next chapter everything goes to shit.

“Lexa, are you sure you want to go today?” said Costia. “I know that going to the clinic helps you with your pain, but you’re in so much pain…” Lexa sat up and squeezed her eyes shut, blinking slowly. 

“I-I need to do something…” she said. “It hurts…so much.” Costia nodded.

“Have you taken your meds?” asked Costia. Lexa nodded. 

“I can’t take anymore,” said Lexa. Costia nodded and rubbed Lexa’s shoulder. 

“Alright. Let’s go…”  
********************************************************************  
Lexa sat in her chair in the waiting room. She sighed and squeezed her wheels.

“Commander,” said the guy behind the desk. “You can go back.” Lexa nodded. She pushed herself back. Clarke was waiting for her in the White Room, a usual. 

“Hi, Lexa,” said Clarke. Lexa nodded. “How are you?” Lexa nodded again, her jaw clenched. She opened her mouth and bit her lip. She sniffled. “Is today a bad pain day?” Lexa nodded. “Okay. I can hel you onto the table, okay?” Lexa opened her mouth. She wanted to protest. Clarke’s arms slid under her butt and her back. Lexa leaned into Clarke’s bare shoulder, only covered by a sports bra strap. She puts Lexa on the table. 

“I’m going to pull your pants off, okay?” said Clarke. Lexa nodded. Clarke hooked her fingers around Lexa’s waistband and pulled her pants down. She didn’t touch Lexa’s boxers. She examined Lexa’s legs. “Can I suggest something?” Lexa gave her and exhausted look. “It’s not a sex thing. It’s a pain thing.” Lexa nodded and closed her eyes. “I’ll be right back,” she said. Lexa nodded again. 

She laid there, waiting as her skin prickled like it was on fire. Clarke came back in and closed the door behind her. Clarke put something down on the table next to Lexa. Lexa opened her eyes. 

“What is that?” she asked. Clarke shushed her. 

“Hey, don’t get worked up,” said Clarke. Lexa sat up and scooted away. She recognized the small box with the leads. “It’s a TENS machine. Here it’s generally used for…estim. But it will still work for it’s intended purpose.” Lexa shook her head. Clarke sighed. “Lexa, why are you so scared? It’s not going to hurt.” Lexa shook her head. Clarke bent down so they could make eye contact. “Lexa, please talk to me.”

“I-I don’t want it to hurt more. I don’t want to be shocked. I can’t handle it…” said Lexa. Clarke gave her a reassuring smile and squeezed Lexa’s hand. 

“It won’t hurt. It’s just going to give you a buzzing sensation. The worst thing that can happen is it does nothing. Please try it. For me?” she said. Lexa stared at her and wrinkled her eyebrows. “Please?” Lexa nodded slowly. 

“Okay.” Clarke smiled at her.

“Thank you.” Clarke grabbed the leads and sticky patches. She pressed them to Lexa’s thighs and her calf. Clarke pressed Lexa’s shoulder back down against the table. “Relax.” Clarke walked over to the machine. 

“You’re going to feel a little tingling,” said Clarke. “I promise it won’t hurt.” Lexa nodded. She squeezed her eyes shut. Clarke turned the machine on. Lexa flinched. Clarke shushed her and rubbed Lexa’s shoulder. Lexa could feel her muscles tense, but it didn’t hurt. Lexa exhaled deeply and relaxed a little. 

“Are you okay?” asked Clarke. Lexa nodded. 

“It doesn’t hurt,” said Lexa. Clarke chuckled.

“Yeah. Just like I told you,” said Clarke. “Is the pain getting better?” Lexa shrugged. 

“Maybe?” she said. Clarke smiled. She pulled a chair over and carded her hand through Lexa’s hair. 

“Um…kiss me?” said Lexa. Clarke smiled and leaned in.  
*********************************************************************************  
“Are you feeling better?” asked Costia. She pushed Lexa to her car. Lexa nodded. 

“Clarke found something that helped with my pain,” said Lexa. Costia grinned. 

“That’s so great!” said Costia. 

“I’m not at, like, one hundred percent, but I feel so much better,” Lexa said.

“That’s so good,” said Costia. She smiled. “I’m so happy for you, Lex.” 

“I really like Clarke,” said Lexa. Costia sighed. 

“Do you want to ask her out?” asked Costia.

“I don’t think I can do that,” said Lexa. “She just…she told me about how we needed…boundaries…” Costia shook her head. 

“I’m sorry,” she said. Lexa looked over at her. 

“Do you not want me to talk about it?” asked Lexa. Costia shook her head. 

“Lexa…I love you…but I haven’t loved you like in a while,” she said. Lexa nodded. “Are you hurt?” Lexa shrugged.

“Ever since I came home…things haven’t been what they were between us,” she said. Costia nodded. “I’m, um, I’m sorry that I couldn’t let you go after I came back. You didn’t deserve to be dragged along with me, knowing that, um, knowing that I couldn’t—”

“Don’t,” said Costia. She pulled the car over and turned to face Lexa. “I understand, Lexa. You were going through a lot. What happened to you was beyond awful. And you needed me. You were not being selfish. You were trying to get better. You were trying to survive. I wasn’t mad at you. I was upset. It hurt to watch you go through this. I was never mad at you. It’s not your fault.” Costia put her hand under Lexa’s chin. “All the shit that happened to you was not your fault. It’s fine. I will never be mad at you for what happened and how you reacted to it. I know what you went through, Lexa.” Lexa nodded.

“Okay,” she said.

“Okay? Good.” Costia pulled back into the rode and continued driving. 

“Thank you,” said Lexa. 

“Don’t mention it,” said Costia. 

“You’re really great,” said Lexa. “You know that?” Costia grinned and shook her head. 

“Don’t flatter me, Lex,” she said. Lexa smiled. Somehow, it almost felt like old times. Even through the pain and soreness still permeated, Lexa felt good. She was a girl with a crush and a friend. It felt like forever since the last time Lexa had felt this normal. She could get used to this…


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me...

Clarke was almost surprised when she saw Lexa the next week. She was still in the wheelchair.

Clarke pushed her into the White Room. 

“How are you feeling?” she asked. Lexa shrugged and smiled nervously. “Are you okay?” Lexa shrugged again. 

“Still pretty sore,” she said. Clarke smiled sympathetically. 

“Up on the table,” said Clarke. Lexa lifted herself up. “Do you want to try the TENs machine again?” Lexa shrugged. 

“I’m just kind of sore…it’s not like before,” she said. Clarke nodded.

“Okay,” said Clarke. “Wanna strip?” Lexa nodded. She pulled her clothes off. Clarke folded it and plopped it down on Lexa’s chair. “On your belly, please.” Lexa swung around. Clarke threw the braid off of her shoulder. Lexa closed her as Clarke began her work…  
******************************************************************************  
Lexa felt totally relaxed. Clarke’s hands worked down her shoulders and her neck, releasing the tension and painful knots. Lexa tried not to let out a whimper at the gentle ministrations. 

“You’ve been feeling so much more relaxed,” Clarke mumbled. Lexa grumbled in agreement. “I’m glad you’re so comfortable with me.” Lexa smirked and buried her reddening face into her arms. 

Lexa’s mind could help drift to this being in a different context. Clarke was massaging her in a bed…in their bed… Lexa would giggle, and Clarke would tickle her as she rubbed Lexa’s sides. Clarke would kiss her neck as she fucked her with a strap on… Lexa let out a moan. 

“I haven’t even touched you, and you’re already getting so worked up…” Clarke crooned.

“Stop it,” Lexa laughed. Clarke gently kissed Lexa’s shoulder. Lexa shivered. 

“Do you want me to work on your thighs?” asked Clarke. 

“Please,” said Lexa. Clarke smiled and squeezed Lexa’s gultes. Clarke bent down and brushed her lips against the shell of Lexa’s ear. 

“Spread your legs,” Clarke whispered. Clarke started massaging Lexa’s thighs. Lexa shifted her hips and obeyed. “Relax…” Lexa’s breath hitched and her shoulders trembled. Clarke dragged her fingers over Lexa’s clit and bit the shell of Lexa’s ear. Lexa tried not to come undone right then and there. 

Clarke slowly teased her, rubbing Lexa’s labia. Lexa’s hips pumped. She let out a purely erotic moan. 

“Oh yeah, baby girl. I know you like it,” she said. Lexa didn’t know where the dirty talk as coming from, but she wasn’t going to question the good thing. 

Lexa’s mind drifted off. All she could think about was having Clarke in her bed, them bending each other over. Lexa moaned. Clarke rolled Lexa on her back. She massaged Lexa’s clit and slowly penetrated Lexa with one finger. She went in and out a couple times, before putting two in and scissoring her fingers. Lexa’s back arched off the table. Clarke squeezed Lexa’s clit. She rolled Lexa’s clit between her finger. Lexa moaned even louder. Lexa gripped the edge of the table. 

“Clarke…” Lexa moaned. “Cl-clarke…” She gasped. 

“Are you going to cum for me, baby girl?” Clarke said. Lexa was breathing even faster.

“Y-yes. I’m so cl-close,” cried Lexa. Lexa started rocking her hips. 

“No,” said Clarke. “Don’t move.” Clarke pushed Lexa’s hips down. Clarke kissed Lexa’s stomach. It was so hot. Lexa trembled and started breathing faster and faster. “Ready, baby girl?” Lexa nodded. 

“Please, Clarke, please…” she said. Lexa’s eyes rolled back in her head. She shook and moaned with her climax. Lexa breathed hard. Everything went white as she screamed with pleasure. Lexa sighed and took a few deep gasps. 

Clarke stood over her, smiling. She eased off the pressure of Lexa’s clit and rubbed her chest. Lexa smiled weakly.

“Are you okay, baby girl?” asked Clarke. Lexa nodded slowly.

“Was…a lot,” said Lexa. Clarke nodded. 

“I’m going to wash my hands. I’ll be right back, okay, Lexa?” she said. Lexa nodded. Clarke walked off. 

Lexa tried to catch her breath and center herself. God, she loved Clarke. It was almost scary. She closed her eyes. Clarke came back in. 

“Drink, baby girl,” said Clarke. Lexa sat forward and took a drink. “Good…” Clarke rubbed her shoulder. 

“Thank you,” said Lexa. Clarke shushed her and nodded. Lexa gulped and leaned back. She bit her lip.

Clarke stated wiping off Lexa with a wet cloth. Lexa shivered. Clarke patted her thighs and her butt. 

“Cl-clarke?” asked Lexa. Clarke looked up.

“Hm?” Lexa bit her lip.

“I, um, would you…would you like to hang out…outside of here?” said Lexa. Clarke’s eyebrows shot up. “I’m sorry if that’s not okay. I just really like you. It’s so nice being here with you. Even if you don’t do this...you don’t need to do this anymore. I’m not trying to take advantage of you. Jesus I—”

“Hey, shh…” said Clarke. Lexa was panting a little bit. Clarke rubbed her hand up and down Lexa’s shoulders. Clarke put a blanket around Lexa’s shoulder. She pulled Lexa into her chest and rubbed her back. Lexa managed to calm herself down. 

“Lexa…” said Clarke. “I’m really glad I could help you but…we can’t do this.” Clarke sighed. “It’s against company policy…it’s generally a bad idea to date clients. It’s…Lexa, we can’t do this, okay?” Lexa pushed her head farther into Clarke’s chest. “I shouldn’t see you anymore, Lexa. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“No!” Lexa shouted. “N-no…” She let out a small sob. “Please. I need you…” Lexa sniffled and sobbed. She felt Clarke stiffen under her. 

“Lexa…please don’t,” said Clarke. “We can’t…you can’t…” 

“No,” said Lexa.

“Lexa, I can’t do this,” said Clarke. “We can’t…I can’t…please don’t make me do this. Neither of us can do this. It’s just a job. You’ve been through so much stuff. This is so unfair to both of us, Lexa.”

“I’m sorry…please…you make me feel so much better,” said Lexa. Clarke shook her head.

“Lexa, you don’t even know me,” said Clarke. Lexa stared deeply into Clarke’s eyes. “Fuck. I can’t do this.” Clarke handed Lexa her clothes. “Lexa, I’m so sorry.” Clarke walked out of the room. Lexa bit her lip, tears streamed down her face.

“Clarke…” she said.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I'm not super pleased with how this chapter turned out. I received some (well deserved) constructive criticism last chapter, so I wanted to fix some of the things that were brought to my attention. In the process, however, I feel like I wrote some really awkward dialogue and some stuff that seemed kind of forced. I kind of wanted to take I break from this and regroup, but I knew if I did that, I would never finish this, and I really want to keep my word and finish this soon.
> 
> Let me know what you guys think.
> 
> and hey  
> thanks

“Octavia!” Octavia turned to Clarke, as she marched down the hall of the hospital. Octavia raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, Dr. Griffin?” said Octavia. Clarke dragged her into a closest and shut the door behind him.

“What the fuck, Octavia?” Clarke demanded. “Why did you have me…have Lexa be my client? You knew what was going to happen. You knew that I was going to fall for her. You knew that she was going to fall for me. You—manipulated—why?” Octavia snorted. 

“Calm down,” said Octavia. Clarke just stared at her. “Shit. You’re serious. What happened?” 

“Lexa told me she wanted to date me,” said Clarke. Octavia opened her mouth in a little “O.” 

“Shit,” said Octavia. 

“Yeah…” said Clarke. “All I’ve done is use sex to help her feel better. I’ve just…I’ve been another doctor to her. And she’s so…fragile. She, fuck, she can’t hold a conversation. She won’t…be a person. She just sits there. She’s so empty… Sometime it’s like there’s nothing there but pain. But still…”

“It feels like she’s there, right under the surface,” said Octavia. “Yeah. I know. I figured you could pull her out.”

“So you did manipulate me?” said Clarke. Octavia sighed and rubbed her face.

“That’s not—”

“You took advantage of my nature to have me help Lexa,” said Clarke. Octavia opened and closed her mouth. “Why?”

“You’ve been a mess since your dad—”

“Shut up,” said Clarke. 

“You like fixing people. You can fix, Lexa. Maybe then you would stop working at the—”

“Shut up!”

“You don’t need to work there, Clarke,” Octavia hissed. “You have money. Abby still gives you money. You’re just being stubborn.” Clarke’s hand flew out at Octavia. She punched her in the nose. Octavia stumped into one of the shelves. 

“Ow! What the fuck?” said Octavia.

“Lexa was the head of her unit,” said Octavia. “She liked playing basketball with her brother. He died. She watched his body turn to ash. She couldn’t save him. She was the top of her class with Lincoln. Lincoln died while following her orders. So did her sister.” Octavia swallowed. “I had to help her.”

“And you used me?” said Clarke. 

“She’s your type, Clarke,” she said. “And you haven’t dated anyone since Finn. You needed to let go and have fun. I didn’t expect her to end up…”

“Having a huge crush on me?” spat Clarke. Octavia rolled her eyes. “I left her a crying mess after she asked me out.”

“God, you didn’t need to turn her down that harsh,” said Octavia.

“Oh my God,” said Clarke. “This isn’t funny.”

“Lexa’s tough.”

“Is she?” Octavia sighed.

“She was.” Clarke and Octavia stood there in silence. Clarke closed her eyes and slid down to the floor.

“Everything’s such a shitshow all because I didn’t want to take my mom’s tuition money,” said Clarke. 

“It’s a shitshow because it’s always a shitshow,” said Octavia. Clarke looked up at her and rubbed the mascara running down her face.

“That doesn’t really make me feel better,” said Clarke. 

“It’s not supposed to,” said Octavia. She sighed and sat down next to Clarke.

“Look,” said Octavia. “You don’t need to fix Lexa. One, because really you can’t. And two, because this isn’t your problem. She’s her own person. No one’s going to be mad at you if you don’t go and pick up her pieces.” Clarke sighed and rubbed her face. Octavia handed her a tissue. 

“I think I want to…” said Clarke. Octavia shrugged. “Then do it. Quit the clinic. Date Lexa. Talk to your mom…” Clarke sighed. 

“It’s not that easy,” she said.

“Isn’t it?” asked Octavia. Clarke chuckled humorlessly.

“Maybe. Maybe I can finally do it. I can stop hiding from my problems and hiding from myself. Stop using domming to feel in control of my life…” Clarke sighed. 

“Okay,” said Octavia. “Now you’re being dramatic.” Clarke snorted. 

“Yes,” she said. “Only just now am I being dramatic.” She picked on the rubbed of her shoe. I should just leave. Just pick up my life and walk away. Act like I never did any of this.”

“You could. No one would blame you, Clarke,” said Octavia. Clarke sighed.

“I won’t do that though,” said Clarke. “I need to fix everything…all the time. And maybe I can’t .”

“I don’t know what you’ve been smoking, but you need to chill, Clarke,” said Octavia. “Not everything has to be some huge pivotal decision that you agonize over. Sometimes…things are just going to happen.” Octavia shrugged. 

“That’s not very reassuring,” said Clarke. 

“It should be,” said Octavia. “You can’t control everything. Sometimes you just have to go along for the ride.”

Clarke sighed and leaned her head on Octavia’s shoulder.

“Maybe you’re right,” she said. Octavia smiled. 

“I know,” she said. Clarke shoved her. 

“You’re an ass,” said Clarke. She got up. “Come on.” They staggered to their feet. “We better get back before Dr. Nyko notices.”

“And kills us,” said Octavia. Clarke rolled her eyes. 

The two of them walked out of the closet. Octavia stuck her head out, looking around, before she and Clarke and her walked out. Clarke headed to the bathroom and tried to clean the makeup running down her face.

“Ugh,” muttered Clarke. “I’m a mess.” She sighed deeply. She washed her face and wiped it off with a paper towel. She blew her nose and walked out if the bathroom. She started down the hall, back to the ER. 

All of the sudden, someone barreled into her, nearly knocking her over. 

“Octavia! What the fuck?” said Clarke.

“Shit, sorry,” said Octavia. She stepped back. “Dr. Nyko is looking for you, but I’m not sure if you should—”

“Dr. Griffin,” said Nyko. Clarke turned around.

“Yes, sir?” she said. He beckoned her.

“Come with me,” he said. Clarke gave Octavia one last look.

“You remember out patient from a few weeks ago?” Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. “Alexandria Woods.” Oh God. 

“Yes,” said Clarke. Dr. Nyko stopped outside an exam room.

“Well, she’s back. And I thought she would be more comfortable with you.” He knocked on the door.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There might actually be two chapters left and not one. The last one would be really short an an epilogue though.

Clarke wondered if ignoring Lexa was the best way to avoid the awkwardness. Sure, she was interacting with Lexa and examining her, but she blatantly wasn’t making eye contact and just doing exactly what Nyko told her. 

Costia didn’t seem to notice. She was too busy fretting over Lexa, who, for her part, was staring at Clarke trying to get Clarke to look at her. 

Lexa was leaned back on the bed, her hand laying across her stomach as it rose up and down much too fast. Her skin was pale, and she was clammy. Her pulse was rapid. But she was surprisingly calm. She watched Clarke, Nyko, and the nurse bustle around the curtained area. 

“Lex? Are you doing okay?” said Costia. Lexa nodded. 

“Chest hurts,” she said, clearing her throat. She coughed and winced. She stared straight at Clarke. Clarke fidgeted and tried to focus on taking Lexa’s pulse.

“It’s fast,” said Clarke. She looked over at Nyko. He sighed and nodded. He looked over at Lexa and patted her knee. 

“We’re going to send you down to CT,” he said to Lexa. Lexa nodded. 

“Sounds good,” she said. Lexa coughed and leaned over, blood and spit dripped out of her mouth. Clarke stuck a basin under her chin. 

“Easy,” said Clarke. Lexa stopped coughing and leaned back. Clarke grabbed a tissue and wiped off her mouth. She could feel Lexa’s gaze boring into her head. Clarke’s mouth felt painfully dry. She gulped. She tried very hard to avoid making eye contact. 

“A nurse will come and check on you, and Clarke will bring you to CT when it’s open,” he said. Lexa nodded. Clarke threw the tissue and her gloves away as Nyko beckoned her out of the room.

“What are you thinking?” said Clarke after they walked out. 

“What are you thinking, Clarke?” he said. “This is your learning experience.” Clarke opened and closed her mouth.

“Um… spontaneous pneumothorax? Pulmonary embolism?” she said. 

“Good,” he said. “When we get the CT, you’ll look at it, and we’ll find out.” Clarke paused. SHe should remove herself from the case.

“Dr. Nyko, sir…” she said. He raised an eyebrow. Nyko was a longtime friend of Lexa’s…lord knows what he’d do if she told him. He could make her life all kinds of hell…and if she told him a half truth and Lexa contradicted her… “Uh, I was wondering where you wanted me until Lexa’s needs to go to CT.”  
*******************************************************************************  
Clarke sighed as she watched Lexa’s name come up to the top of the list. And now she needed to talk to her. And be alone with her. Clarke sighed. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before walking into Lexa’s room.

“Hi,” she said. “I’m here to take Lexa to CT.” Costia nodded and looked over at Lexa. Lexa fiddled with the corner of the sheet. Clarke moved to the side and kicked the breaks off. Clarke smiled down at Lexa. “Are you ready?” Lexa nodded. Clarke squeezed her shoulder. 

Clarke started pushing her down the hall.

“Are we going to pretend that nothing happened?” said Lexa quietly. Clarke looked down and raised an eyebrow. “Like, I was wrong.” Lexa gulped. “I was out of line. But we…but you…” The fight that had suddenly appeared in Lexa left as quickly as it came. Clarke pulled her over to the side of the hall.

“Lexa…I’m…” Clarke sighed and rubbed her face. “Lexa, look, this so complicated. We…I…you…” Lexa looked up at her, her eyes wet. “You like me. And I’m touched. And maybe I like you too. I don’t know you. You…don’t really know me.” Clarke squeezed the plastic bed frame.

“Do you want to know me?” whispered Lexa. Clarke rubbed her face.

“Fuck, I mean, should we? We don’t have a conventional relationship. I get you off as pain management, which, I am almost positive you don’t really need.” She stopped as Lexa stared at her. “There are so many things that you haven’t tried. Like the TENs unit helped. There’s meditation and clinics and surgery. Watching you is so frustrating, Lexa. Because you can get better. Not 100%, but better. You can have a job. Live your life. Not have to be taken care of by your ex! Lexa, I don’t eve know you, but I know you can do so much better than this!” Lexa opened and closed her mouth before clenching her jaw.

“Honestly, there’s a huge chance that whatever’s wrong with you know is probably because you haven’t been taking care of yourself,” said Clarke. Lexa sniffled.

“I-it’s so hard,” said Lexa. Clarke nodded. She walked back to push Lexa down the hall. Clarke closed her eyes, psyched herself up and looked down at Lexa.

“Have you ever tried to talk to someone about this?” said Clarke softly. “What you’ve been through is terrible. If you want to move on it might be helpful.” Lexa shook her head. 

“No. It’s fine,” said Lexa. Clarke sighed. 

“Lexa…”

“You know you’re right, Clarke,” said Lexa. “We don’t know each other. And you have no right to tell me what to do.” Clarke bit her lip and shook her head. 

She took Lexa to into the room with the CT scanner. Lexa tried to move onto the CT table by herself. Clarke gently put her hand on Lexa’s shoulder and one under her knees to help her move. 

“Thank you,” Lexa mumbled. Clarke gave her a tight smile as the table slid into the machine.   
************************************************************************************  
“So,” said Nyko.

“Pulmonary embolism,” said Clarke. She looked over at the tablet in Dr. Nyko’s hand. 

“What are the two best courses of treatment?” asked Nyko.

“Blood thinners or surgery to remove to clot,” she said. Nyko nodded. 

“Would you like to go inform the patient?” he said, holding the tablet out to her. Clarke looked down at it, trying not to look as terrified as she felt. “Never mind.” He put the tablet back against his chest. “Come on.” 

Lexa was laid back in the bed, casually playing with Costia’s fingers. Nyko smiled softly at them. 

“How do you feel, Lexa?” he asked. She shrugged.

“Medicine…makes me feel better,” said Lexa. She grinned goofily. Nyko smiled at her. 

“That’s good. We got the results of your scans. You have a pulmonary embolism. It’s a blood clot it your lung,” he said. Costia looked worried. “It’s very treatable. I would suggest removing the clot with surgery.”

“What’s the other option?” said Costia. Lexa was staring at Clarke. Clarke smiled at her.

“Am I going to be okay?” said Lexa. Clarke nodded. 

“You’ll be fine,” said Clarke. 

“I’m sorry about making you uncomfortable,” said Lexa. Clarke shushed her. Lexa stretched out, letting go of Costia’s hand and reaching out for Clarke’s. Clarke let her. Lexa kissed the back of it. “You just make me feel good. And I wanna get to know you if—”

“Lexa,” said Costia sharply. Her and Clarke exchanged a look. Nyko looked between the three of them. 

“Well,” he said to Costia. “I’ll leave you and Lexa to discuss your options.” He walked out, not asking Clarke to follow. 

“I’ll leave you two,” said Clarke. She nodded at Lexa and walked out, trying not to think of the crestfallen look on Lexa’ face.


	13. Chapter 13

Lexa closed her eyes, letting the pain meds carry her through time. 

“Wait, so you’re actually willing to have the surgery?” said Costia. She nodded. 

“I just want it to stop,” she said. Costia looked a little concerned. “Not like that. I just…” Lexa sighed. “Can anyone love me like this?” Costia paled. 

“What?” she said.

“I’m messed up,” said Lexa. “I’m a burden and just…” Lexa sniffled. “I want to be better. I w-want Clarke to like me.” Costia’s heart broke.

“Lexa…” she said. Lexa rolled over and pulled the blanket over her shoulders. She sniffled. Costia walked over and gently pulled down the blanket. “On no. We’re not doing this,” she said softly. “Lexa…you need to get better because you need to get better. Not because you feel like other people want you to. You’re not being healthy, Lex. And you deserve so much better.” Lexa sniffled and coughed. Blood dripped down her chin. Costia sighed and wiped off her face. “What are we going to do with you, Lexa…” Lexa shrugged.

“I don’t wanna feel like this anymore,” she said. Costia nodded. 

“I know, Lex.” Lexa sniffled and wiped her nose. There was a knock on the door. 

“Hi,” said Clarke. Costia’s eyes narrowed. 

“This is your fault, isn’t it?” demanded Costia. 

“What?” said Clarke. 

“She trusted you, and you broke her,” snapped Costia. 

“What?” 

“Costia…” said Lexa.

“No,” said Costia. Lexa clamped her hands over her ears. “I was going to let you go, Lexa. I was going to let you take care of yourself, but God, I can’t watch you get kicked when you’ve already been down.” 

“W-wait,” said Lexa. 

“I’m not trying to knock Lexa down,” said Clarke. “I just…this isn’t normal. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to react?”

“Not like you did,” said Costia. 

“Shut up!” said Lexa. “I’m not a child!” Costia and Clarke turned to her. “I can, I can talk for myself. You guys don’t need to protect me. I-I can decide things for myself!” 

“Considering how badly you’ve been taking care of yourself, that’s not really true,” said Costia. “Considering, you still won’t even try to get better. You won’t even ask for help. I understand it’s hard but things are never going to get better if you don’t do something!” Costia froze. “Shit, Lexa. I didn’t mean that.” Lexa opened and closed her mouth. 

“It’s so hard,” said Lexa quietly. A look of determination appeared on her face. “You have no idea what I’ve been through. I watched the people I loved die. I watched strangers die. I held them in my arms as we burned alive. My brother, my sister, my father figure. The man who did it never got his punishment. He died in his own explosives, along with all his important followers. They never got justice! And then I was stuck broken and in pain and basically alone! You don’t know what it’s like! You don’t know what it’s like to have your own broken body be a reminder of how you failed and let the ones you love die! I know you want me to just fix myself and get better, but God, it’s not that easy.” Lexa leaned back and began coughing.

“Shit,” said Clarke. She pulled an oxygen mask and wrapped it around Lexa’s head. Clarke shushed her. “Hey, hey, take it easy. I’m sorry we didn’t understand. Just, God, take a deep breath.” Lexa grabbed the mask over Clarke’s hand and pressed it to her face. Clarke reached over and rubbed Lexa’s back as she tried to catch her breath.

“I was about to take you down to prep, but you need to calm down,” said Clarke. 

“C-costia,” said Lexa.

“Hey, shush,” said Clarke. “Just breath.” Lexa pulled Clarke’s hand and the mask from her mouth.

“Costia…give me a sec,” said Lexa. 

“No?” said Costia. Lexa gave her a look.

“Yes,” she rasped. “Please…” Costia sighed and walked out, mumbling to herself. Lexa cleared her throat.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry I put you in an uncomfortable spot. It was selfish. I didn’t mean to do that to you. I like you. And…I haven’t been around people very much recently.” Lexa smirked. “Things have been hard…I’ve forgotten myself.” Clarke raised an eyebrow. “You and Costia have both been trying to help me to get better. I need to be ready to get better. I think maybe I’m going to be soon.” 

“You don’t need to apologize, Lexa—”

“But I do,” said Lexa. “I need to…I need to pull myself together. I have the support…I should do it. And how I feel is no excuse for how I treated you. I didn’t pay attention to your feelings.” Clarke sighed and rubbed her face.

“You’re…you’re a good person, Lexa,” said Clarke. “And I’m glad you’re at least staring to feel ready to get better. And maybe one day, I will want to…be something with you. But I have my own problems, Lexa. And I can’t drag you into them.” 

“What if I want to be dragged into them?” said Lexa. Clarke sighed. 

“Then maybe you can decide that,” she said. “Just not right now…please.” Lexa nodded. “Now invite Costia back in here and say good-bye so I can take you down to surgery.” Lexa snorted.

“Alright,” said Lexa. She coughed. Clarke pushed the mask back over her face. 

“I don’t know how you managed all that talking,” said Clarke. She walked into the hall and called Costia back in. “I’ll leave you guys a minute.”

Costia walked back in. 

“I can’t believe this is the first real decision you’ve made since the incident,” said Costia. Lexa shrugged. “You know, I really just want you to be happy again.” 

“So just trust me,” said Lexa. Costia sighed and wiped the moisture from her eyes. She hugged her and kissed Lexa’s head. “When I get out of here, I think I want to visit them.” Costia smiled softly. 

“We can do that,” said Costia. “Just focus on getting through the surgery, okay?” Lexa nodded. “I love you a lot, okay?” Lexa chuckled and coughed. “I love you too, Cosita.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this story is almost done. The epilogue should be up before Thursday.
> 
> This story has been a wild ride, and I want to thank everyone for sticking with me. I know the update schedule is weird, the pacing wasn't great, and this wasn't the smoothest thing I've ever written. 
> 
> I'm not going to write a sequel for this. I barely had enough stuff to make this a complete story. There are some things I write that are labors of love that I craft carefully and spend hours planning. This honestly wasn't one of them. This was originally a guilty pleasure one shot that turned into...whatever this is. But I hope you all enjoyed it.
> 
> And, hey,  
> thanks


	14. Epilouge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it...the end...
> 
> I love you guys! Thanks for sticking with me!

Clarke knocked on the door and rocked back on her feet. She took a deep breath and smoothed over her dress. The door opened. Lexa stood behind the door, fly aways falling out of her intricate braid.

“Clarke. Come in,” she said. Clarke stepped in, staring at the tightness of her rolled up sleeves on her arms. A wonderful aroma filled Clarke’s nostril. “I made your favorite.”

“God, yeah. I can smell it,” said Clarke. She kissed Lexa on the cheek. “You didn’t need to do this.” Lexa shrugged and walked over stirring a pot. She pecked Clarke on the lips.

“Yeah, but I wanted to,” said Lexa, giving her a cheeky grin. Clarke ran her hands up Lexa’s arms and played with her bow tie. 

“Someone’s looking fancy,” said Clarke. 

“It’s been one year since we met,” said Lexa. “Figured I should clean up.” Clarke shook her head.

“You’re too much, Lex,” said Clarke. Lexa held up a spoon to Clarke’s lips. Clarke ate some. “Your limps getting better.”

“It better be,” said Lexa. “Since I have to pay all this damn money for PT.” Clarke slipped her arms around Lexa’s belly and kissed her shoulder. 

“I know you don’t like it, but I’m glad to see you recovering, baby girl,” said Clarke. Lexa blushed slightly.

“I’m glad to,” said Lexa. “And I couldn’t have done it without you.” Clarke grinned.

“No, you couldn’t have done it without you,” said Clarke. “You did this by yourself. I couldn’t be more proud of you.” Lexa blushed more as she served the food. 

“How’d your test go?” said Lexa.

“Great,” said Clarke. She rubbed her nose against the shell of Lexa’s ear. “I have a great anatomy tutor.” Lexa snorted.

“Huh, really? You should introduce me to her one time,” Lexa replied. 

“Yeah. She’s real sexy.” Clarke gave her a kiss on the cheek and grabbed the plates, walking to the table. And Clarke couldn’t help feel like everything worked out the way it should.  
**********************************************************************************  
Lexa ignored the ache in her legs as she cleaned up after dinner. She’d been standing too long, trying to prove to Clarke that she could do it, that she was fine. Clarke grabbed the dished and gently bumped Lexa’s hip.

“Let me clean up,” said Clarke. Lexa shook her head. 

“You have your dress,” said Lexa. 

“Well then, take it off of me,” said Clarke. Lexa looked like a drowning fish, opening and closing her mouth. Clarke gave her a teasing smile. “Go on. Sit and rest.” Clarke walked into the kitchen, swaying her hips. “You’re going to need it.” Lexa plopped right down onto the couch. She pulled down her prosthetic sock under her pants. Lexa took a deep breath and tried to calm her nerves. She could do this. They hadn’t done anything sexual since Lexa had been released from the hospital. She had wanted to wait until they felt comfortable with each other. 

Clarke walked back over. 

“Hey, baby girl,” said Clarke. “Are you ready to have some fun tonight?” Lexa nodded. Clarke went kissing down her neck. 

“No,” Lexa mumbled. Clarke immediately pulled back.

“What’s wrong?” asked Clarke. Lexa leaned forward. 

“Let me lead,” whispered Lexa. Clarke nodded. Lexa sat forward and started kissing up Clarke’s neck. Clarke let out a moan. 

The stumbled into Lexa’s bedroom. Clarke pulled off her dress. Lexa tugged off Clarke’s bar and kissed down her chest, suckling on one of her breasts. Clarke gasped. Lexa rubbed her hand down Lexa’s side. One of them slip into Clarke’s underwear. She circled Clarke’s clit as her hips buckled. Clarke pulled off Lexa’s bowtie and started unbuttoning her shirt. She moved down to Lexa’s belt. Lexa applied more pressure before she could open it. 

Lexa kissed down Clarke’s stomach, only stopping to pull down her underwear. She pulled her legs up around her head and licked down her labia.

And in the warm embrace of Clarke’s wet folds, as Clarke let out a long sharp cry, Lexa decided that this is where she wanted to be.


End file.
